Life in the Fast Lane

OK OK...I know...I've been horrible at keeping up with blogging this year. I swear to do better. Cross my heart.

The first five months of 2009 have flown by. Work (the not-so-new job as I've been here for 6 months now....wow...) has been incredibly busy. On top of longer work weeks, there have been a lot of family weekends, friends visiting, visiting friends, and trying to find a happy place in the midst of the chaos.

Here's a catchup of my life in a nutshell:

• Two more weddings I'm a bridesmaid in (seriously, no on else ask me until I'm engaged, unless you're my friend S...I refuse to turn in 27 Dresses)
• Mr. Florida came back into my life for a brief period - he missed me. It won't ever work, so I had to cut ties
• I'm about 92% sure I dated a hit man
• My summer is filled with other people's special days - weddings, bachelorette parties, bridal showers, etc.
• My Anna Wintour is visiting me in two weeks and I can't wait
• If one more family member asks if I'm "seeing anyone special" I will scream
• I saw Brit Brit in March - sadly, she focused on her Blackout album which we all know was awful, instead of her fabulous Circus album
• I ran a 5K in May and want to do another
• I hired back my personal trainer to whip me into shape; now if only they could shape my personal life as well
• I just booked a trip to Greece and Italy for October....and I wish it was tomorrow

So, there you have it. You are caught up. I promise to do my part in updating A Charmed Life if you promise to continue reading.

Child Proof

I think children are wonderful. I love my little cousins and my friends' babies. I'm excited to have a child in the future. However, it is completely unacceptable for parents to let their kids run wild and free in stores.

1. It's an easy place to lose a child
2. If you are letting your kids out of the stroller or out of the child leashes (which, FYI, I think are GREAT) then WATCH them. Don't let them pester shoppers.

This past Saturday I went to Target in search of new workout clothes. Arms loaded, I strolled into the changing room extremely happy that it wasn't crowded. Target was having a phenomenal sale and I knew it would take a while for me to try everything on. I was halfway through my pile of clothes when screaming children came running into the changing room. The grandmother was gabbing loudly on the phone, baby on hip, while her daughter (the children's mother) tried clothes on a few doors down from me. OK, so it's not so bad that the kids are running and screaming - I can deal with that for a bit - though it does speak volumes about the parenting style as not one word was uttered from the grandmother's mouth to calm the kids down. But then, I hear a giggle and look down. A 4 year old is peaking under my door. I said "oh, you have the wrong room," and the child ran away.

It happened a second time, and on the third time - as I was putting my clothes back on - I see the child once again through the mirror. Now I'm angry. Watch your kids parents and authority figures! If it were my little cousins peeking at me, that's fine. But to have strangers doing that, I think it's completely inappropriate and parents should be teaching their kids how to behave in stores.

I calmly, yet loudly, said in a sweet voice "You shouldn't be looking under peoples doors" - The kid ran away again and I stepped out of my dressing room. When I glimpsed the state of the grandmother I just knew those children were lost causes. She was a 38-40 year old grandmother watching her daughters 4 kids. Something is wrong with this picture......

My Give a Damn's Busted

Dating is absolutely, one hundred percent, without a doubt.....A challenge. A thrill. A nightmare. A laugh. A I-Don't-Know-What-The-Hell-Is-Going-On at times.


Monday night I was out with my friend Erin for dinner and drinks at the Daily Grill - in which we were working at getting Erin over a sad breakup - and we hopped over to the Front Page for an after dinner drink. The Front Page is great on week nights - the weekends are just full of horny co-eds - so it was exactly what we expected when we showed up: not too crowded, available seats at the bar and a few tables, quiet music, and a friendly bartender.

Erin and I planted ourselves on bar stools and ordered beer on tap. Engrossed in our conversation, I didn't notice the man near me who kept glancing my way. After 20 minutes, he finally interrupted our discussion and began engaging us in conversation. He was very nice and polite, mildly attractive, good job, and from Paris. I was intrigued by him, but he really wasn't my type physically. Oh, and he was waiting for a friend - translation - date, to arrive. Once she arrived, Mr. Paris continued talking to me and Erin, including his date in the conversation. After a while I had to use the restroom. I excused myself and walked downstairs to the bathroom. When I emerged, I found Mr. Paris waiting for me. Shock!

He followed me to the bathroom.

Seriously?

He asked me when he could see me again. I replied "you're here on a date."

To that, he said "yes, but it's you I want to see, not her."

Again, seriously????

The end result was that I told him that I sometimes come in for happy hour and that maybe I would see him again. Next stop was to tell Erin that we were leaving. And Erin, having witnessed Mr. Paris follow me downstairs, had already closed out our tab and had my jacket in hand.

Around this same time that Mr. Paris was picking me up while he was on a date with someone else, Mr. Florida has been slowly entering my life again. I received several emails and finally, about 15 text messages one night where he spelled out his feelings and why he deserved a second chance. The killer was that he let himself get drunk in order to spill his feelings and chose the cop-out method of using text messaging rather than having the decency to call me....flash back to when he Joe Jonas'd me. Honestly, that ship has sailed - I realized in our time apart that it would never ever in a million years work out. Therefore, while I've had time to digest and evaluate my life and feelings, he's remained dependent on the idea of me in his life....probably because I disappeared from it so quickly. Smart women know that when someone hurts you, you do what you have to in order to be OK and survive. I assume that the percentage of women that actually fall into the "smart daters" category can be limited to about 25%. I'd like to consider myself a happy part of that percentage....though tears are shed and the heart aches, you have to move on and be happy for you and only you.

Simply put, dating and living in a world where technology is at our finger tips making pick ups and dating multiple people (and being sneaky at it for that matter) so convenient and easy, is not healthy. It's one big challenge. One big game. One big I-Don't-Know-What-The-Hell-Is-Going-On.

My give a damn is busted.

A Balancing Act

I love to work out. Seriously work out - going from one cardio to the next, using free weights because I like the open motion of it, kickboxing, body sculpt and pilates. I've recently started doing yoga again - and when I say again, what I really mean is that I used to do it on the rare occasion and now I'm making a focused effort to practice it - but I must say, there's a reason why I never stuck with it in the beginning, which I remembered the other night. My friend Carissa is an excellent yoga instructor and I'm taking her class in Old Town Alexandria. I love the way my body feels while practicing yoga...it's really a wonderful workout....but the slowness drives me crazy. I truly try my best to concentrate and be one with myself while in class, but for someone who is on the go constantly, I have a difficult time taking it down a few notches.

But I think what drives me crazy the most is that I have absolutely ZERO balance. I've never had balance in my entire life. It's terrible when you can't even do the tree pose for only a minute.

Balance has been afflicting me ever since I can remember. I can barely walk in a straight line completely sober - and ask me to draw a straight line on paper and I will laugh at you. I constantly bump into walls, have difficulty navigating around corners in my own house and sometimes when I'm just standing still (on both feet, nothing in my hands) I feel myself tilting off to one side unexpectedly. It's amazing that I can actually work out in the gym and play sports....funny how that works out, huh?

Lately, balance in my life doesn't just relate to my ability to stand and function properly, but to the juggling contest I seem to be in with myself. The past few months have proven to be a challenge when it comes to fitting things into my schedule. I'm balancing a demanding job, family, friends, exercise, weddings, birthdays and "fun" time into a schedule that seems to consistently grow teenier each year. I think I'm doing an OK job of it, but god...if only my schedule could open up a bit more. I suppose this is a life lesson though - as we grow older balancing the many aspects of our lives become more of a challenge and we simply must adapt if we don't want to end up on Xanax....which I must admit that I'm not completely opposed to taking right now:)

With everything, I weigh the pros and cons.....I will continue to take yoga because I love the changes in my body as a result of it and hopefully one day I will be able to hold my tree pose without stumbling.

Gentlemen Oh Gentlemen

I found out the other day that yes, in fact, there are still gentlemen left in this world. While men no longer readily give up their set on the metro, hold doors for ladies or open car doors, there are still a few out there who think twice and do something nice.

I was at Starbucks waiting for my grande chi tea latte and there was an attractive man waiting next to me. He was fiddling with his Blackberry but was not distracted enough to ignore my once over. He got his coffee first and started for the door. I soon followed, though I was far enough behind that there really was no need for him to hold the door. He walks out, door closing behind him, pauses on the sidewalk and turns back around. Then, he opens the door for me! I smile, walk out and say "thank you."

See, there really are some gentlemen still out. I hope that I am fortunate enough to encounter a few more.

Are you Joe Jonas?

Joe Jonas is an idiot. Before breaking up with Taylor Swift through a text message he should have considered 1. Women have feelings, and if you respect someone you don't break things off with a text 2. It's hurtful and 3. It would become national news as the two of them are celebrities.

I'm on TayTay's side. I was just "Joe Jonas'd." It turns out that Mr. Florida isn't as sunny as his name.

I however, had a fabulous time in Florida with Michelle - we are single, fabulous and I don't need to tell you how many lovely beverages were bought on our behalf by the swinging men down south. Joe Jonas happens.....you get over it.

A mom and her dog

I sometimes think my mom loves her dog, Tully, more than her own children. That's not true of course, but the woman is so consumed with every little detail of Tully's life that it makes me wonder.

**note: Tully is a 13 pound westapoo**

Three years ago Tully, a puppy, was behaving strangely. She kept going to the garage door to be let out. Mom grew very concerned over Tully's frequent trips outside. So concerned in fact, that she decided to call the Vet.

"Hi, I'm Tully Christopher's mom. I think Tully has a bladder infection," mom said without blinking an eye.

"Oh, OK. I'll get a sample a bring it in." She said.

She then turned to me and my sister, who were hysterical over her phone conversation, and handed us a tupperware container. "Go get a sample of Tully's urine."

Task completed, sample delivered, results reported. Tully was just fine. Mom overreacted.

And so this continues to be a constant theme with mom and her dog. The truth is, that Tully loves mom so much and can't stand to be away from her which is probably because mom has treated Tully like a baby from day one. Tully is allowed on all of the furniture, gets Christmas and birthday gifts, cuddles with mom and gets far too many treats. She even sits in the living room arm chair like a human. When mom travels, Tully gets depressed. She sits in the arm chair gazing out the window watching for moms car.

Over Thanksgiving, mom was in Palm Springs, CA for a field hockey festival. She came back and Tully wasn't as excited to see her. Mom couldn't figure it out. Tully was a bit sluggish and didn't jump up on her little legs and hop when she saw mom. It just so happened that Tully already had a vet appointment scheduled that week. This is the phone call I received from mom that morning:

"How's your morning?" mom said.

"It's OK. Doing a wrap up report for work and cleaning out my desk. Are you in the office?" I replied.

"Yes. I'm leaving soon though. Tully has an appointment. She's getting three shots today! I hope I can hold myself together," she said.

"Oh mom. She'll be fine. Do you need a box of tissues?"

"You know, I was a wreck with all of you kids and I'm a wreck with Tully too. Besides, I think she's sick. She wasn't happy to see me on Monday."

I laugh, "I'm sure she's fine."

A day later mom calls me to tell me that yes, Tully is indeed sick. She has a parasite. I won't tell you from what because dogs can be gross little creatures, even if they do act human most of the time. Mom and her dog. They are one.